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I know all about running marriages, I’ve already gone through that once. While sometimes partners aren’t right for each other, there’s a lot we can do wrong that sabotages what could have otherwise been a good relationship. In my experience, there are common mistakes wives make that ruin their marriage.
If you’re with someone you plan to be with forever but feel like your marriage is slipping away, you need to hear this. If your marriage is still great but you want to make sure it stays that way, take this as a warning. And if your marriage is beyond saving (like mine was) then at least you can learn what to do right if there’s another opportunity for love in your life.
10 Mistakes Wives Make That Ruin Their Marriage
Now, I always feel like I need to put a disclaimer in these posts. First of all, marriage is between a couple. No one person can make or break a relationship! It takes both of you giving your best to your partner to make a marriage work.
Second, your relationship can be bad without it being your fault. The right marriage is worth saving and changing for, but you can’t take the responsibility for a bad one.
Mistake 1: Being too inflexible
This is something I’m guilty of way too often. I like things done my way, and I think my way is the best way. Sometimes that might be the case, but not always. And even when it is true, it doesn’t always matter. Women need to remember that even if their lives center around the household it’s important to be flexible with what life brings. Don’t sweat the little things and definitely don’t scold your husband for something that really doesn’t matter in the end.
Do this instead: Ask yourself ‘does this really matter’? If it does, talk to your husband kindly but keep an open mind.
Mistake 2: Jumping down their husband’s throat
This goes alongside the inflexibility. How many times have you scolded your husband for something that he did wrong? Maybe it was leaving his clothes on the floor or not putting something away the way you like it. While sometimes we do need to talk to our partners, especially when they’re not respecting your time, we don’t need to do that in a negative way. I’m personally way too guilty of going off when I don’t feel like I’m being heard.
Do this instead: Talk things out and explain why certain things get to you. A caring husband will do his best to respect you and your time.
Mistake 3: Being controlling
This is a trait that we associate with abusive men, but I see it so, so often coming from women. Although it’s not as bad or strict as one might associate with an abuser, it’s still not good for a marriage to have one partner trying to control aspects of the other one’s lives. This mistake wives make might be demanding to be texted at a certain time, expecting your husband to never work late, or telling him what to do.
Do this instead: Ask yourself how you’d feel if your husband asked the same thing of you. If you wouldn’t like it, don’t do it to him.
Mistake 4: Not being good with money
Modern society has shifted and now more than ever women are the ones who are in charge of a family’s finances. This does tie in with mistake 3, because a lot of times women get controlling when it comes to the money. Yet at the same time continue to indulge in things because ‘they deserve it’. Again, this is something I’ve personally been guilty of. As the person responsible for making sure our bills are paid I would tell my partner what he could or couldn’t buy.
Do this instead: Get on the same page when it comes to finances so no one is parenting the other person. Another great idea is to set aside a dollar amount every month for each of you as an ‘allowance’ that you can both spend however you please.
Mistake 5: Not respecting him and his time
Your husband shouldn’t be criticizing how you spend your time and you shouldn’t be telling him how to spend his. Just because your husband enjoys doing something that you don’t like, don’t think that he’s wasting that time. If he’s been working all week, don’t expect him to jump up to do your bidding because he’s ‘not doing anything’.
Do this instead: Make plans together and set aside time for downtime.
Mistake 6: Piling it on as soon as he gets home from work
If you both work then this is a bit different, so this is mostly geared towards stay at home moms and housewives. Yes, you’ve had a long day. Yes, the kids are exhausting. And yes, you deserve a break. But so does your husband!
Do this instead: Let him have a couple minutes when he walks through the door before you start bombarding him with your day.
Mistake 7: Only being a mother (and not a wife)
It’s pretty hard when raising kids to be anything but a mother (trust me, with 5 kids I know this all too well) but it’s so important to hang on to something beyond motherhood. Don’t neglect your marriage and relationship with your husband just because there’s little kids in the house. They’re going to move out, your husband wont.
Do this instead: Make sure to set aside time with your husband even it’s just a date night when the kids are in bed.
Mistake 8: Not making their husband feel like a man
This is a huge thing with men especially in modern times. In a lot of families, women rule the home. It usually works out pretty well especially if that woman is a full time homemaker. After all, the role naturally fits to that kind of lifestyle. Just don’t forget that your husband is still a man and men have different emotional needs than women. They need to feel strong and to feel needed. Don’t belittle or emasculate your husband.
Do this instead: Build your husband up when you can and let him have at least equal say in your family’s decision making.
Mistake 9: Not being a good housewife
This doesn’t mean good like old timey housewife good (unless you want to be like that). Just sometimes we as stay at home moms are guilty of not giving life our all. For me, it’s sometimes because of depression. But arranging some self care does help with that, so it’s important for me to remember to take care of myself so I can take care of everyone else. Whether you’re being a lazy mom or suffering with something else, it’s important to do your job well as often as possible.
Do this instead: Take care of yourself so that you can give motherhood or wifehood your all.
Mistake 10: Failing to appreciate what she has
It took leaving my husband for me to truly appreciate my life and my children. I’ll never get that time when they were little back and even though my ex and I had our differences, I still could have appreciated caring for my children more. Now I truly appreciate my kids and my partner who takes care of us (even if they’re not his.)
Do this instead: Start a gratitude journal or find some other way to remind yourself to be thankful.
Not doing these mistakes wives make is a struggle
I feel like with my strong personality and stubbornness it’s a constant battle with myself to do some of these things. I’ve learned how to let a lot of things go, but others I’m still trying to improve. Especially starting small, inconsequential fights. I’m trying to avoid these common mistakes wives make so that this relationship lasts forever, unlike my last one.