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I always have a tough time writing these posts. I wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression – wives are not meant to be slaves to their husbands. They’re also not meant to be controlled by them. So when I talk about why you should be serving your husband, and explain what it means, keep that in mind.
If you happen to be in a bad situation this post isn’t for you. And for the record, I’ve been there. I spent a lot of time married to a man I did everything for and who didn’t appreciate me. If you’re in a relationship like that, you have to first working on fixing those problems rather than trying to do more for your spouse. Take care of yourself.
Why you should be serving your husband
So with all that being said, I want to talk a little bit about serving your husband. Now, I’ve talked about this before on this blog, but I just want to give a little bit more information on it this time. After all, serving has some pretty negative associations!
What does it mean to serve your husband
Serving your husband, in my opinion, means trying your best to make his life better. Ideally this is reciprocal – with your husband doing his thing to improve yours. It doesn’t mean being his slave or servant.
I personally think that for those of us who are lucky enough to not have to work full time that we should be taking care of everyone in our family, including our husbands. I also think that we should be doing our best to build him up so that he can, in his way, better take care of the family too.
In my opinion too many relationships are just couples trying to bring each other down. I can honestly say this from personal experience in my own marriage, and learned from those mistakes. Both partners should be building each other up.
It’s a mentality
You’re probably already doing a lot for your husband. Part of servitude is more the mentality than what you actually do. It’s about giving him a leadership role in your family.
If you’ve decided that you should be serving your husband, the first step is to change your mindset to embrace him as the leader of the family. By the way – you’re essential too! Just not in the same way.
What about submission?
But, it also means taking on more of a submissive role and letting him be ‘the man’. Now, I have a pretty fiery personality, so the idea of submitting to someone is pretty difficult for me. I also know it’s important that I don’t win every time, or even most times.
Part of serving my partner, at least in my home, means giving in to him and letting him call the shots on certain things. Usually he makes great decisions, so it works out. Then, when it comes to things in ‘my domain’ I get to decide, which is great for me.
What are some ways you can serve your husband?
Sometimes concepts are easier to understand with examples. Now, servitude will look different in every home and situation, so these are only general ideas. Decide what works for you!
- Taking care of chores before he gets home from work (so he doesn’t have to come home to a mess or look after them).
- Letting him make most decisions (but they should still be discussed, especially if you have concerns).
- Speaking positively about him, even to friends.
- Saying kind things.
- Doing chores or little acts of kindness you know will make his day.
- Going to him for advice (and actually listening to it, even if you don’t always follow).
So why should you be serving your husband?
You’ll build up his confidence
One of the great tragedy of the modern man has nothing to do with them being less ‘manly’ (my guy definitely isn’t a macho man all the time), but with their lack of confidence. Men of yore weren’t these amazing creatures that slayed dragons while men today oil their beards, but simply men who were confident enough to boast about their dragon slaying abilities.
By submitting to your husband and trusting him with some decisions, he’ll build up confidence in his abilities. When you serve him, he’ll feel like a king. That will translate to, you guessed it, better self esteem. Your love and compliments do wonders.
You will fight or bicker less
This is something I noticed immediately when working on serving my (future) husband. When I started focusing on helping him and building him up, we started fighting less. I wasn’t picking silly fights that didn’t matter, and he was a lot more patient with me because he felt like I was doing a lot for him.
It also helps to clearly define certain roles and responsibilities. Obviously your limits are set by your personal situation (for example, if you just had a baby you don’t need to be ironing your husband’s shirts!), but overall everyone knows who’ll be doing what so there’s no fighting over responsibilities.
It will benefit both of you
Yes, we should all be selfless and giving, but it’s nice to have things payoff for you when you do them too. If you’re married to a good man, then most likely he’ll take notice in anything extra you start doing. When I started embracing serving my partner I noticed he was a lot more willing to do things for me, too.
It also helped free up the mental and emotional space for him to pick up more hours at work, which benefited our family a lot. He knows that everything else will be taken care of so work is easier.
What this kind of servitude is NOT
I just want to reiterate that servitude is not abuse. If your husband has abusive traits like being overly controlling, having unrealistic expectations of you, is angry at you if you don’t complete chores or follow his rules, or if serving him is not 100% your choice then please reach out to someone you trust.
It also means your husband doesn’t, can’t, or shouldn’t do things around the house. A marriage is a partnership!
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For some people, it’s a natural role. Others not as much. You’d think with my personality I wouldn’t like serving someone else. I’m pretty independent and strong willed! But I actually find it nice to care for someone else in this way.
If you’re in a great relationship you want to make even better, then you should consider serving your husband.