The other day I wrote about how much I love having older kids, and it’s true. They bring so much joy to my life and we are able to do so many cool things. But, I am also pining for baby number 6, so I thought it would be fun to talk about that now too. So, despite it sounding crazy, here’s the reasons why I want another baby.
If you don’t know my story, my first 5 kids are with my ex husband. I’m in a new relationship now and couldn’t be happier. My ex and I share custody of the 5 kids, which (despite me wishing they were with me all the time) has worked out well enough for them. When they’re here it’s the most wonderful chaos and I miss them terribly when they’re gone.
So, given the circumstances, it is extra challenging to debate adding another child. I wouldn’t want them to feel replaced or that I was filling the gap when they’re not around. No amount of additional kids in the world will make me stop missing them. But, my fiancee is a fantastic step dad and it’s something we’d want together regardless of whether or not they were here all the time.
Why I Want Another Baby
Anyway, here’s my reasoning that I’m using as we consider this step:
1. We already have a big enough house
We’re pretty darn lucky to live in what I jokingly call ‘the mansion’. We have 2100 square feet of living space on the main and upper level, and are currently in the process of finishing the basement. Once everything is done we’ll have 2 bedrooms downstairs for the older kids and my SO’s home office, our main level will have my office, and then upstairs we have 4 bedrooms; including one that can be turned into a nursery. (The twins are the only ones who share a room.)
On top of that, we have a massive living room and a kitchen large enough to accommodate another kid no problem. Even our mudroom is huge! This house is dated and we are working on updating things, but it has been a total blessing for our family during otherwise difficult times and I couldn’t be happier.
2. One baby doesn’t add too much to our expenses
The thing about having kids is one more isn’t really that much more expensive. Other than diapers and formula early on (I am not able to breastfeed due to a past surgery), the extra cost of food, electricity, and so on isn’t really that high.
Even our vehicle, which sadly only seats 7, can be modified to seat 8. All we have to do is remove the captain’s chairs and add a bench. But, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it because the times where we all go out together and can’t bring two vehicles is extremely rare.
3. We both work from home
This is one thing that makes having a baby a whole lot easier. Both my partner and I work from home on completely flexible schedules! We have steady, reliable income but it’s easy to accomodate the kids at home as it is. Adding in another wouldn’t change our ability to work.
What’s great about this arrangement, too, is we save on childcare costs. If things get really busy we can always bring in part time babysitters, too.
4. I’m not ready to be done with babies yet
I love having little kids in the house! As much as I do enjoy my older kids, I am also not quite ready to be done with the baby stage either. I’m fine with juggling the two, and my SO and I have a great relationship where he’s happy to make time for me to do ‘big kid’ activities already.
I’m hoping to get a few more years of reading picture books, teaching colours, and having a little someone who spends their entire day with me.
5. I love having kids
I’ve always wanted a big family. In fact, when I was young I wanted 12! Since then I dialed back to 6, so one more doesn’t really seem like a big stretch for me. There’s nothing I don’t love about the chaos of having a big family.
I never counted down the days until my kids went to kindergarten and I’m absolutely loving having them all home during quarantine right now. Even if it’s exhausting sometimes, it’s what I love the most.
6. My partner is a great dad!
It’s pretty cool to get a sneak peek on what kind of dad your husband will be like. In my case, my fiancee is an amazing step dad to my kids already. I know that if another one comes along he’s the right guy to partner with.
It also means I’m excited to make him a full time dad. He doesn’t buck being a step dad at all, but it’s tough sometimes to have to share the kids with someone else. He can get the best of both worlds if we had one of our own.
7. I’m still the right age for it
Age is a factor for having a baby. I just turned 30 and all my friends are having kids. Meanwhile, I’m like 10 years younger than most of my 12 year old’s friends’ parents because I had her so young.
I don’t mind being a young parent at all! But I’m lucky to still be young enough to have this option.
8. I want to share that in my new relationship
When I met my SO neither of us wanted kids. Now we’re raising five and both want another. Being in a strong relationship changes how you feel about these things. While he’s a great step dad to my kids already, we didn’t get to share in a lot of those great parenting moments together.
I want a chance to have one together that he can experience every step of the way. While I do my best to make things special for him as a step dad, it would be nice for him to get that ‘dad’ title.
9. My kids don’t hate the idea
Everything I do I do with my kids in mind. This is no exception. While I’m not going to let them make big decisions, I’ve also asked them generally what they think of the idea. My oldest, naturally, isn’t terribly impressed… But she’s not too keen on anything I say nowadays. Teenagers. Sigh.
My 10 year old didn’t have too much to say about it, but didn’t mind the idea. The 7 and 5 year olds, though, love the idea. In fact, last year my ex accidentally made the kids believe his girlfriend was pregnant. Turns out they were joking about eating too much, but you know how kids are. My middle child (then 6) was so disappointed when she found out it wasn’t true.
10. We have a great support system
I’m so lucky that we are surrounded by amazing family and friends. My mom lives around the corner, and my partner’s family (while far away) is easy to visit. We definitely don’t feel like we’re in anything alone, that’s for sure. For example, not too long ago my mom babysat the twins so I could take my son and daughter to the movies.
My oldest is also old enough to babysit and stay home alone. While I would never make her look after a new baby, it does mean that I can leave the older two kids home together when they don’t want to do ‘little’ kid activities with the younger ones.
All babies are blessings
I truly believe that my kids are the greatest joy and gift in my life. Even if things aren’t always great with my ex husband, I’m so grateful to have my babies in my life. Adding another one, for me, would mean more joy, love, and happiness in my daily life.
It’s not that easy
For us, having a baby isn’t as easy as most people. After the twins were born I was ‘done’ having kids with my ex, and really didn’t want any more at the time. So, with that c-section, I had a tubal ligation.
We’re still not even sure what can and will happen at this point. Thanks to COVID-19, all the doctors we’d need to see to get more information are temporarily closed, or just open to existing patients.
For now I’m just saving money, working on getting our house in shape, and listing reasons why I want to have another baby.