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Finding purpose as a stay at home mom is tough. All of a sudden, your primary focus is on this child (or children), and just like that you lose so much of your old life. Unlike a 9-5 job, being a SAHM involves doing a lot of repetitive tasks, with no clear goals other than keeping the kids safe and helping them grow.
Finding Purpose as a Stay at Home Mom
If you feel like the day to day of stay at home mom life is getting to you, you’ll definitely benefit from getting a little bit more purpose in your life. I know that personally, I’ve struggled with a lot over the years. I was also in an unhappy marriage, which didn’t help me feel any better about my situation.
With young kids, it honestly just felt like I live in groundhog day! Doing the same thing over and over, day in and day out can really get to you. For a long time I felt lost. I was without purpose. It was depressing.
It took me a lot of drastic changes to finally find my purpose as a stay at home mom. But, I don’t think you need drastic changes to improve your life and feel like it has more meaning.
What you’re doing isn’t meaningless
Society often stigmatizes stay at home moms unfairly with comments like: “Oh, you’re just a mom?” As if being a mom is something that’s easy and you’re not working at all!
I’m going to be the first to tell you that what you’re doing as a stay at home mom is so important. Not only are you literally raising the next generation, you’re also helping out your family a lot.
There’s so much value in being a stay at home mom! You just need to look at the positives, not the negatives.
Benefits of being a stay at home mom
Have you ever stepped back and really thought about the positive effects you have on your family? Not just the cost savings of daycare or the homemade food, the purpose that you serve?
Here’s a few ways every SAHM has purpose:
- Supporting your partner’s career. If your spouse works while you stay home, you’re a natural supporter in that career. Without having to take turns picking up the kids from daycare, for example, your spouse can work late or make career advancing connections. In fact, 70% of top male earners have a wife who stays at home.
- Giving the kids the best first start. There’s some advantages to kids going to daycare when it comes to the transition to classroom learning, but being at home gives your child one on one attention. In fact, some studies even say that long daycare hours cause problems for kids.
- Bonding with your children. When your kids are going to daycare you’re inevitably going to miss a few things. By staying at home, you’re building a bond with your kids that might be different if you had worked. At the very least you’ll have all those memories.
- Being the family’s ‘rock’. It feels like without mom the whole family will fall apart sometimes! As a stay at home mom, you can take over a lot of the household care, planning, scheduling, and so on to keep the household running smoothly. Your family might not seem like they appreciate it, but it is beneficial.
Finding your purpose as a stay at home mom
OK so broadly speaking, you know you have value. But when your baby is crying and your toddler is whining and there’s a pile of laundry to do it’s really hard to not wonder what all this is for. I had 5 kids aged 7 and under, so I get that feeling a lot.
Make a list of all the things you love about being a stay at home mom. It can be the simple things like ‘going to toddler time with my kid’ or practical items like ‘saving money on childcare’. Make sure you keep it somewhere where you can refer back to it, like on your phone. These reasons are part of your purpose.
Another important thing to do is to do some introspection and find out what your calling is. Maybe you were called to raise kids, but maybe there’s something else out there you feel called to do as well.
Make some friends
Sometimes lack of purpose can be exacerbated by loneliness. If you spend all day with your kids without seeing (or talking to even) another adult, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck.
I have a few friends that I can turn to when things get tough. They listen to (and understand!) my complaints, and offer some perspective and encouragement. Try and find a friend that you can have playdates with, or at least chat with when you need some company.
Do something for yourself
At the end of the day you might just have to add something to your life to find purpose. Not everyone is cut out to be a stay at home mom alone, most people need hobbies, volunteer work, self employment, or even a part time job to feel truly satisfied.
What’s nice is being a stay at home mom might just be the perfect opportunity to try something you couldn’t’ do if you were working full time. For example, I wouldn’t have time to write (something that I’m passionate about and that’s really fulfilling) if I worked full time outside the home.
Finding purpose as a stay at home mom means change
Even if you don’t feel like your have purpose right now, that can and probably will change. Keep exploring yourself and trying to figure out what makes you content in life. Sometimes you need to try a bunch of things out before you figure out what works. And that’s OK.
Keep in mind that motherhood is a period of change for everyone, so it’s perfectly normal to feel like you don’ have purpose as a stay at home mom.